It's been an incredibly busy and stressful two weeks, although I'm hopeful things might be a little more settled moving forwards, for a short while, at least. The chance of life slowing down any time soon has all but gone. I feel wrung out. I don't sleep well at the best of times, and it has been even more of a challenge given the recent turn of events, not to mention I haven't been eating well, which has been through lack of opportunity, not choice. I've had little time to take stock, but I'm very aware things needs to change. I need to pare back, prioritise and seek out some moments of calm.
I will intentionally give swimming a miss today. As much as I will miss it, as I've come to really enjoy my weekly sessions, I just need a moment in my day where I am not rushing about in order to achieve something. I imagine that anyone who is a carer for a friend or relative can resonate with this. Constantly putting the other person's needs before our own, comes naturally, but not without cost. Please don't think I am complaining. I realise that I am in a privileged position where I am able to be around to help, but balancing all my responsibilities is proving rather difficult.
You can imagine my relief when last weekend arrived and I had half a day when I didn't need to be anywhere. Even better, the sun was shining, it was a beautiful early autumn morning. A moment to slow down, take a breath, and (try to) relax, so a walk through the deer park seemed like a delightful idea. Unlike the previous day, there was very little breeze and it was warm. It was so lovely. Of course, I had dressed for cooler weather, so it wasn't long before I needed to remove a layer or two. I was slightly miffed that it wasn't the weather for hat wearing, as my hair might have been much better hidden beneath one. It is looking quite 'neglected' at the moment. In fact, I probably won't be needing to dress up this Hallowe'en, I just need a broomstick :)
Our walk took us through an avenue of trees, then along by the river. Leaves were gently falling all around us, but it will still be several weeks before autumn displays it's true colours. The deer are dark in colour, and as they were alongside the wall, well away from the path, I didn't even try to take a photograph of them. It is always so lovely to see them though. They make in impressive sight when they are running through the park.
Something else impressive were the cakes we treated ourselves to, from the bakery at Levens Hall. Carrot cake, and Beetroot and Chocolate cake. So yummy! The hot chocolates we had were delicious as well.
We sat in the courtyard for a while, enjoying watching the bees busying themselves among the flowers.
Then we walked back along the opposite side of the river. The trees beautifully reflected in the water. I managed to take this photograph just a moment before one of those stones landed with a huge splash, right in the middle, there. Lily just couldn't help herself. Don't worry, there weren't any ducks close by.
Almost as soon as I'd returned to the car, it was as though a bubble burst. The moment was gone and I was back to worrying about things, once again. It is uncertain as to how the situation will be navigated, moving forwards, but for the time being I will continue to do everything I can, while relishing those in between moments, in order to re-fill my cup.
The first thing on my list, will be sorting my hair out.
J. X
