A Different Kind of Summer

I've discovered a lot about myself over the last eight months. I have also come to realise just how strong I am, when I need to be. I am continuing along a winding path, still unsure where it will lead. I have ups and downs. Days of optimism and exuberance, quickly swallowed up by moments of uncertainty and doubt. Physically, I feel as if I might finally be gaining some strength, as recently, I haven't experienced any of those sudden crashes in my energy levels, which knocked me for six on many occasions. 

Summer has looked a little different this year. Usually, I'd have a holiday booked, days out, and be planning things in the background. Instead, I've had to learn to take things slowly. A different approach, especially seeing as I've lost a lot of my confidence, lately. 

But, the weather! The weather here has been absolutely beautiful. We've been enjoying some gentle evening walks, kayaking at the lake, and compared with last year, we've eaten so many more of our meals outdoors. It's been wonderful. 

There have been shady woodland wanderings, when the weather has been far too hot to stay in the sun.

Both cats are to be found lazing around in the garden. Boo occasionally disappears off into the long grass of the field, returning home covered in cleavers! I'm forever pulling them off his fur. While Mog stirs only to chase the butterflies, of which there have been so many this summer. 

Along the lanes, the air is filled with the heady scent of meadowsweet, buddleia, and honeysuckle. I'm barefoot most days, and it all reminds me so very much of how summer felt when I was young. 

Work ended on a high for me. I'd previously mentioned how my role had changed quite drastically since the start of the year, and I had more than a touch of imposter syndrome. Anyway, I had tried so hard to do the job to the best of my ability - only to find that my colleagues had all been absolutely delighted with my work. I was gifted so many cards and flowers. It was the nicest feeling to know that I must have been doing something right all along, and I can't tell you what a relief it also was. 

I am off work now until September, for some much needed rest time. Although, I have no doubt that it will go by quickly. Elderberries and blackberries are already beginning to ripen, the maize field has grown taller than I am, and the days are becoming noticeably shorter. The surrounding fields have turned to straw, as the summer sun has taken it's toll. The colours may change throughout the seasons, but the undulating outline of the fells remains reassuringly familiar and certain.

I really hope the days are being kind to you, and that you are having a lovely summer, where you are.

Back soon.

J. X

Suddenly I Sea

 

The post title was unashamedly stolen from some graffiti I saw at Birling Gap, which made me smile.

It's been another few weeks of ups and downs, but I'm focusing on the positives, still standing, and ploughing through. At times I've had enough energy to go for a short run. But there have also been difficult, stark reality moments, including a need to be physically helped into bed. 

Some wonderfully warm weather has been very welcome. Summer! We enjoyed a few amazing sunshiny days in Brighton, which coincided perfectly with some of my 'good' days. Even the intensity of the heat in London was appreciated, following the train journey south, with its incredibly efficient air conditioning - I was sooo cold when I arrived! We had a really lovely time there, especially walking The Seven Sisters, which had been one of the reasons for our visit. The views were incredible! We took the bus from Brighton to Seaford, then walked the trail to Birling Gap, where we rewarded ourselves with ice-cream and a dip in the sea, before catching the bus back to Brighton again. 

Brighton was fantastic! Although it was only a short stay, it really felt like we were on a proper holiday, and it gave me a much needed lift. We spent time exploring, seeing the sights, and relaxing on the beach. Even my bikini got an outing! The Brightoni360 gave us an incredible view of the city. And, of course, we treated ourselves to a walk along the pier, followed by a fish and chip supper, down by the shore.

Back at home, I've been relaxing and spent a lot of last weekend sitting in the hammock swing seat, reading my book. I've also been keeping watch over the little pond. It's amazing what I've noticed when sitting for a while without any distractions. A few visiting Dragonflies; so many butterflies; and the bumble bees that are happily nesting in the old tree stump beside the dry stone wall. The nasturtiums are beginning to flower  now, and the not-so-little lemon trees are sprouting new growth. The cats have been seeking out shaded areas of the garden, or disappearing through the long grass into the field. They appear to be quite happy in spite of the heat. 

This week, I've made some more progress on my crocheted squares. I would be thrilled if I could manage to finish the blanket in time for the colder weather, but I'm not going to put any pressure on myself. I just want to enjoy the process, rather than hurry it.

It's hard to even think about winter, seeing as today is the hottest day of the year, so far. As usual, I was up early, so I opened all the windows wide enough to allow the fresher morning air to drift through the whole house, before closing them again to make sure the heat stays outside. I keep it nice and cool by ensuring all the curtains and blinds stay shut throughout the day. I'll water the garden much later, when the sun begins to set behind the trees. 

I've yet to rediscover my rhythm of posting here again, but I'm hoping this will come in time, once I begin to feel better. Until then, I really hope life is treating you well. And that you are also enjoying some beautiful summer sunshine. 

Back soon. 

J. X

 

A Hint of Summer

I love this time of year. The air is warm and sweet; pathways and lanes, begin to narrow, as cow parsley and pignut spill over in abundance, brushing against my legs as I walk by; Soft wisps of cloud drift across the bluest of skies.  I feel myself exhale, with the anticipation of an approaching summer. I'm extremely aware that everything feels slightly different for me, even now. Life is still off-kilter, with so much still uncertain. 

The surrounding towns and villages are seeing more and more visitors, which means that on a Bank Holiday weekend the car definitely stays at home. I don't even attempt to drive anywhere later than mid-morning, as I don't have the patience, nor any desire to sit in traffic. Instead, we go down to the lake. A picnic, some people watching, always paddling :) There are quiet spots, a little out of the way, just as long as you know where to look. 

And the weather! Hasn't it been absolutely fabulous. It felt as though summer had actually arrived, until this weekend, at least. But then, the gardens will appreciate the rain. Mine is looking quite a bit different this year. The new gate is in place, creating a more private, secure area. And the wildlife pond is a very welcome new addition. My new garden furniture has already seen some use, which is more than I can say for last year. And night time bat watch has also returned, featuring Mog, myself, and also an occasional glass of wine, while I enjoy the overhead display.

It is an incredibly busy time at work. I'm still really enjoying my new role, even though it has changed beyond recognition, since the start of the year, due to the absence of a colleague. I've had a lot to learn in a very short space of time, but everyone has been so encouraging and supportive. I really hope this might become a permanent position for me, especially as they've been so pleased with my performance. But I am aware that there will be more organisational restructuring, moving forward, so I'll just have to wait and see. 

My health continues to be my priority. For the moment, I seem to be taking one step forward, followed by two steps back. On my good days, I am only able to achieve what I could have previously managed on a bad day. But, I suppose, some progress is better than none at all. I'm just getting increasingly frustrated at feeling rotten most of the time. It doesn't help that I've been in a lot of pain this week. I'm taking control of what I can - eating a healthy diet, getting a decent night's sleep, and slowly increasing the amount of exercise I am able to take. I'm still not feeling any better, but it's early days. 

Thank you, as always, for your lovely, comments and messages. 

Back soon. 

J. X

Catch-Up

It can feel strange writing a post again, after an unplanned break. And I'm not even quite sure how to begin. Life has been a LOT lately. Most days have been physically challenging, and the overwhelm has been huge, but I think that I'm finally beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel. 

My body feels sluggish and tired. Most days I feel nauseous and achy, and I have only just acknowledged that I still have a lot of healing to do in order to feel like myself once again. There are no quick fixes here. I'm going to have to pull myself up by the bootstraps and put the work in, so I'm going through the motions in the hope that I can gain some momentum.

Last month, we took a short trip to Dublin. It's somewhere that has been on my list for a while, and it didn't disappoint. We explored the city on foot, took the obligatory photographs with the Molly Malone statue, and visited the Guinness Storehouse. If you ever get a chance to visit there, I would definitely recommend it, and not just for the free pint of Guinness at the end of the tour. I enjoyed a half, and Lily drank what they call 'Clear Guinness' - water. Then we couldn't not visit the famous Temple Bar, even joining in with a live performance of Take Me Home, Country Roads :) It was only a short visit, but very enjoyable.

I ended the month of April with a trip to a spa with my girls. And what a fantastic day! The weather was amazing - sunshine and blue skies - so we spent much of our  time outdoors, in the hot tub and in the swimming pool. It felt like being abroad on holiday, instead of us being just a few miles from home. Then afterwards we enjoyed a delicious afternoon tea beside the river. Very relaxing, and very much needed. 

I've been getting out for some fresh air, given the opportunity, but even that has felt like a lot of effort, recently. I find that I'm getting tired easily, so I'm trying not to overdo things. Patience really is not one of my strong points, but I now realise - begrudgingly - that I do need to take things very slowly for the time being, After completing just a gentle fell walk with my friend, I couldn't believe how exhausted I felt afterwards. It took me a good week to recover. Lesson learned. 

The following week, Lily and I enjoyed a more gentle pace, with a wander down by the shore. I felt the need for some sea air, as I often do when I'm feeling out of sorts. We took a walk over the headland, where the bluebells and cow parsley were looking beautiful, and we then we had a lovely time searching for sea glass, while sitting on the warm, soft sand. 

In other news, I now have a teenager in the house! Lily celebrated her 13th birthday in her usual understated way - a day at school, then she went to the youth club that same evening, and I baked cookies for everyone.

I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone's news later on, but first, I'm going to see about getting out for a (very) gentle run. 

Back soon.

J. X