Still Winter

 

Every morning his week, the birds have noisily announced the start of each new day. It's something I always forget has been missing, until I hear it again. There is no doubt that spring is just around the corner, but defrosting the car mid-week and the snowfall over the higher fells, yesterday, reminded me that winter hasn't quite lost it's grip. Still, it has made a pleasant change from the relentless rainy days we've been having recently. 

The laundry is still being hung up indoors, on the airer, but I'm looking forward to being able to peg it out on the line again, hopefully soon. And as for the state of the garden...it's been far to wet to bother! Instead, I've been focusing any energies, that I do have, indoors. The house is beginning to feel much more manageable, even though I've still some more de-cluttering to get on with, and it's taking up far less head space. Although, I've never been  a hoarder, I just don't like clutter - it makes me feel anxious. And by clutter I mean anything that isn't a sofa, a houseplant or cat. Oh, and my coffee machine - I'm definitely keeping that! I like to live quite minimally. 

During these last few weeks, the rhythm of daily life has been gentle. It's been fairly quiet, with not a lot to write about. On dry days we've enjoyed the occasional walk punctuated with much needed coffee stops, log fires, and some delicious pastries. The lengthening daylight hours bring promise, and I can feel myself starting to relax just a little.

At the end of this month, it will be ten years since I began writing in this space. Much has changed in that time, and yet, somehow, much remains the same. Whatever you are getting up to this weekend, I hope it's a lovely one. 

Back soon. 

J. X

Glimmer

It is still very early as I write this. Dawn is breaking, there is a light dusting of snow on the ground, and I can hear the birds singing, loudly, outside the window. Spring is on the way and it can't come soon enough for me. I don't wish to dwell on things, but it's no secret that I've been experiencing a challenging time, and it has been an incredibly heavy load to carry. Fingers crossed that in another couple of weeks, I will receive the results I've been hoping for and life will return to normal, once again. 

During the week, I found myself almost squealing with delight, as I noticed the lengthening daylight hours. I realise it doesn't happen overnight, but sometimes it actually feels as though it does. For the first time since early November, I could see the edge of the pavement when I left work - yes, I have almost fallen down it on many occasions, and yes, there really should be a streetlight! Something which I believe is getting addressed very soon. 

Having been in a state of hibernation for what has felt like ages now, I was ecstatic to get out walking last weekend. I possibly pushed myself more than I should have under the circumstances, but I can't begin to explain how good it felt. 

The route turned into more of a lengthy adventure, instead of the straightforward hike that had originally been planned. My shins are still covered in some rather impressive bruises from scrambling over the crag, my leg and stomach muscles have finally stopped aching, and my boots have only just dried out. 

But, I felt like I was ALIVE again! 

It was the most wonderful feeling, and I really hope to enjoy more such adventures this year. Although, I may need to invest in some new boots. 

Back soon. 

J. X

The Last Month

I wanted to write a quick post just to say thank you so much for your incredibly kind words and messages. You've all been so lovely, while I've needed to pause, figure out how to navigate my new normal, and ensure that any impact on my girl is minimal. I'm feeling hopeful that I will receive a positive update within the next few weeks and will be able to concentrate on happier things moving forward. 

It feels like an age since I was last in this space, and I so want to catch up with all of your news. But you can probably understand this may take a while, so please be patient with me. 

Christmas was always going to be different this last year. For once, I wasn't hosting - not at all. So, it was all really quite liberating and exactly what I needed. 

A few days beforehand, we travelled to Edinburgh and soaked up the atmosphere drinking mulled wine, eating roasted chestnuts, and, of course, enjoying a ride on the carousel. The city always looks gorgeous, but it's simply magical bedecked with festive sparkle. And the light show from the castle was spectacular.

On Christmas Eve, I enjoyed what has, in recent years, become a traditional brunch with the girls. It is always a relaxed and happy occasion. A chance for a good natter and catch-up. The food was delicious - I had scrambled eggs on sourdough toast. 

Christmas Day was lovely. For various reasons, it is usually my least favourite day over the festive season, but just this once, I spent it doing exactly what I wanted. So, after a relaxed morning opening a few treasured gifts and eating freshly baked pastries, I packed up a picnic and we went out for a walk. It was much quieter than usual, but there were still quite a few people out and about, all happily greeting us with a 'Merry Christmas!' The day was sunny, and clear, but because we were wrapped up so well, we didn't feel the cold. We stopped down by the lake to enjoy our sandwiches and some Christmas soup (parsnip, chestnut and cranberry), and I even shared some of my mince pie pastry with a robin! As Christmas dinners go, it couldn't have been any more perfect. 

In the evening we got cosy by the fireplace, 'feasting' on lasagne and garlic bread - not a roast dinner in sight! We sat with just the glow from the tree lights, enjoying the decorations. Some to remind us of our wonderful trips to Copenhagen and Amsterdam earlier in the year, and some as a reminder of treasured friendships across the miles - thank you, Carrie. 

On Boxing Day it was more of the same. An early start at Tarn Hows meant that we were the only ones there for a while. It was as though the world fell silent. We watched as the sun rose above the fells, casting long shadows on the frosty ground, before retreating home, once again. Home to comfort and rest. 

The following day we went ice skating. Another one of our traditions, and one which I am more than happy to participate in. It is such a lot of fun and makes me feel so happy to see everyone enjoying themselves. 

After a quiet few days, on New Year's Eve we walked down to a local pub for a quiet meal, leaving before it became too busy with revellers, who would be far more dedicated than we were.

After enjoying an early night. New Year's morning arrived gently, with another walk, this time along the shore. And it certainly blew away any cobwebs, before we were able to warm up with freshly buttered toast, and coffee in our favourite little cafe. 

Since the beginning of the year I've accomplished very little. Just the smallest amount of activity leaves me feeling exhausted.  My focus has been getting through each day, as mindfully as I can. There are things I'd like to do this year and places I'd love to visit, but I haven't made any plans as yet. I'm hoping that will change before long. 

Back soon.

J. X

Healing

Thank you all so very much for your kind comments on my previous posts. The corner did, in fact, turn out to be a rather long bend in an incredibly long road. But I am finally heading in the right direction, thankfully. 

It is also the reason I found myself back in the city, taking some time out to rest and recuperate. Time to just 'be'. Slow, gentle walks along the river. A large sofa. A furry blanket. Home cooked meals. Probably the worst Christmas movie I've ever watched. Possibly the worst movie ever! 

Admiring Christmas lights. Enjoying some leisurely coffee stops. Awesome city views.

I'm still having to take things very easy, but I'm happy to say that I'm seeing some improvement and beginning to feel much better. This holiday, I'm doing only what I feel comfortable with. Anything else can wait. 

Sending you all my warmest, heartfelt wishes this festive season. 

Back soon. 

J. X